Identity and Fear

Larry’s sermon Sunday on identity is an important one. A couple of years ago, I was still working for my former employer. It was a good job—perfect for a tough economy—stable, good retirement, decent income and benefits, and a fair chance I could work there ‘til the cows came home.

I hit a few bumps when a new boss came on board. For some reason, we didn’t hit it off, which was strange for me since I get along with most everyone. Apparently, this guy was immune to my charms and ignorant of my exceptional intellectual prowess. Go figure.

Soon, fear crept in. What if I don’t make this guy’s grading curve? What if I lose my good standing and reputation? What if I lose my job? It spiraled from there.

God began to challenge me with that still, small voice: “Just who is your provider? Is this job your entire identity?” Around that same time, doors began to open for me to freelance, something I always said I wanted to do. Now that the chance presented itself, I was shocked to realize how much identity and security I found in my position—and how hard it was to let go.

Then a friend shared a remarkable story. An executive coach who works with top CEOs all over the world, my friend told of a time when she found herself working for a particularly difficult boss. Eventually, she was miserable and had to make a choice. She approached her boss and said something like this: “Listen, if you believe my time here has run its course, I’ll say my goodbyes. No hard feelings. But if you feel I still have something to offer this company, I would like to stay.” Then she added, “But I will not work for you.”

I gulped when she told me that. How could she be so blunt? She said, “Because I know who my provider is.” She stayed with that firm, and she got a new boss. Remarkably, they valued her honesty, but she was ready to leave if it had worked out otherwise.

When we know that our provision and affirmation come from God, fear loses steam. If our identity depends on careers, reputation, or image, we can’t risk losing those things to such moments of honesty with others or even with ourselves. Likewise, in those times when we have no choice but to stay, even when we are unfairly treated or unvalued, we can survive knowing our worth is not derived from what we do. It is a huge lesson. A lifetime lesson.

Who do we trust for provision, sense of self, affirmation, or even to justify our existence? If I trust in God, he says I am complete in him—period. I may spend the rest of my life learning to surrender to that truth and to rest in that grace, but I am finding that the more I do, the more fearlessly I can live.